BACK IN BAGUIO

It had been almost 3 years and 3 months since I stood on the hallowed ground of Mirador Jesuit Villa Retreat House in Baguio City, Philippines. As an observer for the Opening Residency of the School of Spiritual Direction, I was my wife’s husband. My 60th birthday also fell in the same week, which added a layer of significance that only became apparent later. On the last evening, at the foot of the candle-lit, laid wooden cross, with Taizé music as the background, I knelt and cried, “Yes, yes, and yes.” Minutes earlier, Ruthie, whom I had not officially met then, approached me gingerly and gave a prophetic word, “You will be writing many books. Young people will follow you. Asia is ready for you.” Initially stunned and speechless, I knew right away it was God speaking through Ruthie. My only right response would have been three yeses.

Fast forward to last night. I was standing on the same wooden floor where I knelt and cried more than 3 years ago. Little did I know at the time that I would be back on the same floor, about to graduate from the program I attended as an observer. God is a whimsical drama King.

Last night, each of us was to present a spiritual direction symbol that is meaningful to them. Mine was a mirror. As I held the mirror, I shared, “I am a mirror holder. Mirror does not distort or lie. We see ourselves in a mirror every day. We see wrinkles, some see less hair, gray hair, or unwanted hair. For me, no hair. We see our smiles and tears. Deeper still, we can also see, recognize, embrace, and even celebrate our frailties, imperfections, as well as gifts. Ultimately, we get to face our true selves. Not only do we face our true selves in confidence, but we also are invited to feast on our lives.”

It is the next day now, and we are observing grand silence for 24 hours. My mind effortlessly floats back to 2023 and 1986. 2023 Opening Residency marked the beginning of our 6-month daring voyage of discernment, starting from the Philippines and eventually traversing Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, and Korea. Back in 1986, the four countries I bounced around as a zealous short termer were Singapore, the Philippines, Indonesia, and Malaysia. God is also a redeeming Maestro.

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A few days before coming to the Philippines, I met another person who had read my book. This time, he seemed more urgent. As he, a former radio host, happens to be my close neighbor, we met at a café in Yangpyeong, where I often write. I first met Hoon (pseudonym) and his wife through a mutual friend. Hoon has long, curly hair down to his shoulders and is married to two elementary school girls. Impressed and moved by his vision and vigor, I gave him a copy of my book about a month ago. Hoon has been battling a rare form of cancer for more than ten years. The lymphoma is in remission, but he is at risk of losing his voice completely because the aggressive radiation treatment melted his vocal cord. The tube he has relied on for the last four years is to be removed from his vocal cord next Monday, hence the urgency. Over those four years, he was essentially a forced mute for two years, and for the other two years, he could only muster a few sentences a day. It was only recently that he was able to speak in a raspy voice. He is hoping, against all odds, to be healed enough, at least partially, to talk. But he told me he is at peace, even if he cannot speak anymore. His unforced smile convinces me that he is indeed at peace. (Join me in prayers for him.)

As I was honored to spend time with Hoon, I excused myself from a guest we were hosting and sat with him. As with Bruce, Hoon began by telling me that one sport he plays is basketball. While flashing an unbelieving smile from ear to ear, I wondered inside what God was trying to tell me, if anything. . . While making eye contact with me, with a half-unsure smile, he then slid a ten-page document across the table to my side, detailing quotations from my book, followed by his reflections and questions, all color-coded. I have read reviews, blog entries, and recommendations regarding my book, but nothing like this. At the core of the pursuit is who God is and the freedom to be who he is. He has grown weary of lifeless textbook answers and freedom-sucking religiosity. I shared my evolving view and experiences of God and my own journey, not as answers to all his questions but simply to give permission for him to pay attention to his life.

During the grand silence today, I was able to read the document he gave me. On one of his reflections, he penned his invitation from God, “I am the master of your life, Hoon. But you have the freedom. How would you like to live your life? Live as fully as you can, as your heart desires.” What a gem of discovery. As a fellow pilgrim, it is easy to say “Amen” to that invitation. And especially this week, as I anticipate what is yet to unfold on the same ground where my current Asia trajectory was confirmed.