GRAND EXAMEN

I just finished my final Zoom session at the CenterQuest’s School of Spiritual Direction. What's left is the closing residency in mid-April in Baguio City, Philippines. As part of my last integration essay, I was asked to reflect on the Grand Examen. I thought it would be meaningful to share this reflection with you since I’ve been an open book through my blog entries. 

A LOOKING BACK
Identify 3-4 major highlights, turning points, and landmarks in your journey.

The biggest highlight, the most significant turning point and landmark in the last several months, has been the relocation to Korea last fall from the US. This has been six plus years in the making, after much discernment. There has been an embracing of the new and a letting go of the old. These six years include hitting the wall, rediscovering God as nothing but love, and my true self. I have experienced death, deconstruction, and newfound desire during that span. Certainties and uncertainties coexisted. Fear and excitement, pain and joy were all part of my regular vocabulary. Mystery and miracles were held together.

The other major highlight has been the gift of journeying with my wife together. We have relied on each other more than any other time in the past. Seeking and discerning God happened constantly in union.

We cherish the gift of friendship throughout the US and Asia. God has gifted us and surrounded us with many communities and friends who are journeying similar paths. We are also humbly aware that our recent discerning journey has inspired and encouraged many.

A LOOKING THROUGH
Surface certain common threads that you can pinpoint out of the highlights you identified.

I no longer approach the meaning of life by “doing work or ministry,” but by living my life to the fullest. I desire to extend such perspective and conviction in encouraging and companioning others to be and do the same. My identity is no longer wrapped in what I do or what others think of me (which is a big one for Asians). I view life more generously and expansively. A non-dualistic posture is another way of expressing generosity, compassion, and mystery.

Relationships with God, myself, and others (as well as creation), viewed as one and becoming one, remain paramount. The evolution and transformation of these relationships, as one, are summarized as God as Love claiming and drawing everything to Love. And I want to be part of the divine love undertaking.

A LOOKING FORWARD
Based upon your observed patterns or trends, do a general projection of what you are envisioning for the future.

For years, the image of the river spoke to me. John O’Donohue’s Fluent (below) and “trust the river” and “be the river” became part of my inner mantra.

I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding

Looking ahead, I sense the invitation from God is to become the ocean. Khalil Gibran’s Fear (see Oct. 14 entry) spoke to me as we transitioned from the US to Korea last fall.

The image of the ocean is vast, generous, daring, fearful, and mysterious. It can be calming and raging, obeying the natural law of creation. The ocean embraces and engulfs all. At the end of the horizon, ocean meets the sky, blurring as one, reminding us that everything is one and will become one. Naturally, my mind goes to equate the ocean with the love of God. Be and do love so others and otherness (as if I could do this) can be and do love themselves, joining and expanding the divine transformational work.

A LOOKING AROUND
Determine accountability and support structures necessary to sustain your spiritual vision for the future

As I mentioned above, we remain grateful to have numerous friends and communities, including our children and spouses, who have been journeying with us. Our souls found courage through companionship and friendship. The beautiful irony is that this journey is deeply solitary and at the same time, deeply communal. The CQ Asia community has been especially life-giving and nourishing to me. It is no small thing to surround myself with like-minded people who are on a similar path, sharing similar values and DNAs. I suspect that my life will somehow be intertwined with CQ Asia moving forward.