CONNECTION AND CONVERSATION
We are meant to live both in solitude and in collaboration. The destiny of being human is individualistic and communal, forever intertwined. Life is about connection, the connection within our whole being and between others. The more we are connected with ourselves and others, the more flourishing the meaning of life.
In just a few days, we will have been married for 35 years. No institution in the world is more apparent than marriage in promulgating connection. It remains somewhat puzzling, ironic, and providential that I have discovered and connected with myself more deeply as my wife and I pursued connection and intimacy with each other in marriage. While I view my role as a father (and grandfather to be) primarily as a steward, trying desperately to be a helpful bridge to the heavenly Father, my role as a husband is a lifelong partner, trying desperately to reflect Christ. While both are intimate means to provide connection, marriage bares and requires vulnerability, trust, and love unlike any other.
I have known Grace for more than two-thirds of my life. As she discovers more of her true self, there is more discovery to be had from my end. I can even call this a mystery. She is the same person, and yet she has evolved, becoming more of her true essence, somewhat foreign to me. She is not the person I married. She probably would say the same thing about my evolution. Certainly not boring, and I would like to think that we are providing the space and time to do the hard work of uncovering our true selves. As more of our true essences are revealed, we are required to let go of old images and projections, though they have been helpful servants, and are invited to welcome the new paths ahead and the new persons more fully.
The connection displayed through the dance between solitude and collaboration in the context of marriage grants me an insight and a blueprint for how I see and approach connection with the world. The image of humanity as “a bride of Christ” motivates me toward the fulfillment of the “marital” covenant connection between Christ and the world.
The work we do is always in conversation with our previous work, the work others have done, and what the world has observed. No current work, regardless of its nature, stands alone; it is shaped by all the prior work. My work now is a form of revision, whether major or minor, based on what succeeded or failed in the past. It is my personal interpretation, not only of my own work but also a critique and revision influenced by what I relate to, especially in the work of others. When I write, I write in conversation with myself from the past as I see things now that I did not see before. Articulating my internal conversation with my past self has helped me to clarify the path of my life and to dare to project into the future.
What I do say, in many ways, is a testimony and a unique voice, drawing from deep perennial wisdom traditions of the past. In my dutiful and delightful conversation with the saints from the past, I stand on the shoulders of their wisdom, as van Gogh wrote in a letter, “Still, a great deal of light falls on everything.” To be wise is to engage in the aforementioned conversations. The conversations help us to see and hear what to pay attention to and what to let go of. When one dismisses and rejects “conversations,” the slippery slope of isolation often leads to misguided ignorance and even lunacy.
Conversation and connection cannot exist without the other. Like wind to an eagle, conversation aids connection to soar to new heights, and into better human beings for the sake of the world.